The perks of soul-crushing hopelessness
My interview with psychiatrist & bestselling author Elias Dakwar.
Hello everybody,
This week we’re looking at addiction and the nature of hope.
You can find the companion article here: The Broken Compass: why trying harder isn’t always the answer
My house is messy.
I am happy to live in a degree of squalor that many people would find unacceptable. I would argue the clutter is within the normal range — don’t worry, I’m not a cause for concern. It’s just that, as a family, we are content with a degree of mess that others probably aren’t. The dirty bowls stack tall in the sink; toys and debris lie scattered across the obstacle-course floor; and more than a few cushions have unwashable stains on their invisible undersides. Messy, but normal. This is how we choose to live.
But then, we invite someone over to our house. We have friends or family to stay. And, for the twelve hours or so before their arrival, our lives are thrown into a panicked, sweaty tidying frenzy. Bed sheets need changing, bowls need washing, floors need hoovering, toys need hiding, and — “Boys! Who drew on the bathroom wall?!”
Our house is messy not because we can’t tidy it. It’s not because we don’t know it’s a bomb site. Our house is messy because that’s what we’re happy with. We’ve made a covenant with time and decided that other things matter more to us than keeping the house guest-ready all the time.
This week, I spoke with psychiatrist and bestselling author Elias Dakwar about addiction. And, as is often the case, it’s never really about addiction. It’s about you and me. It’s about everyone. Dakwar pointed out in our interview that the “addict” is no different from anyone else. They are not born with different brains or some special addict biology. They are just locked in a different value system or framework for living. In the same way that I have chosen to live in a certain degree of squalor, the addict chooses a life with addiction.
Read on to find out what that means.
Abandon hope all ye who enter here
We choose to do things all the time. You might have chosen to lie in bed this morning or to go to the gym. You might have chosen coffee rather than tea. You have chosen to read this newsletter when there are hundreds of other things to do. And when we ask, “Why did I choose this way?” we are asking about motivation. What motivates us to do anything?
In 1964, the Canadian psychologist Victor Vroom introduced his “expectancy theory of motivation.” He argued that if we are to be motivated to do anything, we essentially need two things. We need to know that working hard at something will achieve a certain endpoint. And, more importantly, we have to want that endpoint enough to actually put in the hard work. We have to value a certain achievement or outcome. I don’t value an always-tidy house, so I won’t tidy it every day. But I do want my friends to be happy and comfortable, and not to judge my mess, and so that outcome motivates me to put in the hard work to tidy my house.
For Dakwar, this is what’s happening with addiction. The addicted person can suffer in two ways. First, they might not believe their hard work — their trying to recover — will lead to any positive outcome. Second, they might not value a life free from addiction. They might not see the damage the addiction is doing to their lives. Dakwar puts it like this in a poignant and poetic reflection on hope:
“Hope can be quite perverted in the life of an addicted person. There is this dogged insistence that what may have happened in the past may be very different the next time around. Last weekend may have been associated with terrible intoxication, getting in trouble with the neighbors and with the police. But this weekend, the hope is it'll be different. And so, hope continues to have this stranglehold on the person.
And, sometimes, it's through soul-crushing hopelessness that we arrive at a more primal hope. You know, the AA 12-step narrative talks about ‘hitting rock bottom’—when all of one's illusions and false narratives and false ideals fall through. There is nowhere deeper to fall. And you know that narrative arc is important.
How do we revive a yearning for something beyond the addiction, a recognition that the addiction has failed? And wielding the hope for better things and for hope to offer another path is where treatment begins.”
Dakwar’s work strongly makes the case that the addicted person is no different from the non-addicted person. They are simply stuck in a rut of false hope. They think they can continue living as they are while also achieving certain things they want in life — relationships, love, happiness, and so on. But Dakwar’s point is that the road to recovery for an addict involves two things: first, a realization that things will not get better on their own and that this life will not give them what they want, and second, that there is another path available to them.
We all need to know that things can be different and that we can be different. We need to cast off the false hope that doing the same thing will lead to different results. We need to appreciate the true, “primal” hope that there is a better way for us to live.
IN HIS OWN WORDS
Hope is often seen as a force for good — but in addiction it can take on a darker role. As associate professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and author, Elias Dakwar, explains in this clip, hope can become a kind of trap.
If you would like to hear my full, unedited interview with Elias Dakwar, you can listen here:
IN YOUR OPINION
The word “addiction” is not a neutral one. To be called an “addict” is a bad thing, and if you admit you’re addicted, you’re saying something is wrong. Only the guilty need to admit. But in this week’s question, I asked about your “habits” — a far more positive term for our everyday, thoughtless, and repetitive behaviors. What’s the difference between addiction and a habit? This week’s comment shows how blurry the distinction is:
“I’m addicted to keeping busy.” – Patricia, Instagram.
Addiction is often seen as a negative because it’s perceived as detrimental to other things. It gets in the way of nobler, higher, better pursuits. Is being busy an addiction? Someone who works hard at their job is seen as admirable. Someone who trains for years to win gold at the Olympics is busy, and that’s called impressive. But “busy” is a sliding scale that can subtly morph into something negative. How much working is too much working? How much training is too much training? When does “busy” become obsessive and when does a habit become an addiction?
You tell me.
Send me your thoughts via email or comment below.
Next Week:
We’re exploring artificial intelligence. And so, I’m asking:
“What do you think an AI-filled world of 2030 will look like?”
Send me your thoughts via email or comment below.
MINI READING LIST
The role emotions play in reasoning - Big Think interview with neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett
Jonny is the creator of the Mini Philosophy social network. He’s an internationally bestselling author of three books and the resident philosopher at Big Think. He's known all over the world for making philosophy accessible, relatable, and fun.
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obsession beats talent is a phrase, most of us might have heard. my understanding of addiction of a habit is that its you are mentaly bound by chains of steal to perform that activity, and any deviation from doing that thing will hurt u. its like if u r addicted to a game, and lets say u and ur freinds are planning to watch a movie, you will alwyas have the urge to prioritize the game than any such social activites. i think the fun pours in when u choose the be obsessive about something. its like a free will to be captivated by something. consious addiction like these, which aim to prep a secure future for u, like maybe studying, reseraching about something, or practising a sport isnt a bad habit as per me. one cant really get to the top of the league merely by making a to do list. a fiery spirit is essential. addictions which satifiy leasure, which your conscince screams to you that u shudnt do it, is bad. bad for u. lovely article, i still have a lot to think about this. would love a topic
"will as a finite currency"
I think it depends on how we define addiction. It’s a loaded word, and it seems to have taken on meanings that aren’t helpful. There used to be talk about different kinds of addiction: emotional, physical. I’d like to hear what a neuroscientist who studies addiction has to say about this. For a true addict, I believe, the idea of choice and control are not helpful. My own physician told me that addicts use substances they no longer need. These substances initially served a purpose, ie pain control. With addiction, one’s wiring gets hijacked. Habits are within our power to alter, or change., addiction needs help, and the damage cannot always be undone. My house used to be something of a bomb-site, too, but then, I retired. Now, I don’t panic when guests show up. I gave time…