As I write this comment, I'm holding my 2-month-old daughter; the greatest transformation I've been through, which took quite a few years to happen and it's not really over yet (will it ever be?) was the one that took me from being a cynical and self-centered teen to a grown woman with just enough courage to face the huge challenge of bringing a child into this crazy world. In other words, it's the transformation of de-centering, of hope and of love.
The joy of Christmas for me (as an adult) has always been being with family and friends, doing/making special things for people, singing the beautiful Christmas songs (having secularized a few of them), and enjoying the wonderful displays of lights!
I feel I’ve had 2 transformations in my life. The first was when I had my first child. The change in lifestyle was dramatic. I went from being free and able to do what I wanted when I wanted to having to care for a little human. I still worked full time and it felt like having a second job. Me and my husband would pass the baby between us, sometimes the handover would happen in the street. That took a lot of getting used to and I think I resented the change in my life as well. But I did go on to have another child and I feel I gave as much as I could, everything I could to being a parent while still keeping my career which I felt defined who I was as a person. The second great transformation was much later in my late 40s. I had the combination of divorcing my husband, him taking his life six months later and going through the menopause. All of this combined to turn my world upside down. My youngest was still under ten when this happened. His family blamed me. I felt as though I was a horrible person. It’s taken a lot of effort and therapy to get through this. It’s been a few years now and I’m getting there. But I don’t feel as though I’m the person I was before it all happened. In some ways I feel I’m a better person because I feel calmer, I feel that I can accept things how they are rather than how I want them to be. I feel as though I am less of a control freak. I’m in the next phase of my life and things are okay now.
I really appreciate this publication. Your posts always seem expertly crafted, and the way you mix philosophy and casual conversational tone is excellent. Loved this piece, as always! Cheers!
As far as transformations, perhaps the one we're currently in is the "greatest." I've had so many throughout life so far, it's hard to pin one down: my marriage, having children, earning degrees, becoming a teacher, moving, retiring, cancer, etc... But I believe the most difficult transformation is the one I'm currently going through after the recent death of my husband of 46 years. I'd have to say that's probably the "greatest" transformation thus far. We'll see what happens...
Considering that I was raised in a Seventh day advent religion during my childhood, I don't have any good memories of Christmas from my youth. Instead, I recall some bad memories of my classroom celebrating while the teachers sat my Jewish friend and me in the corner of the room with extra classwork to complete. The good news is that as an adult (and an atheist), I celebrated Christmas with my husband, children, and in-laws, as I continue to do for all of the reasons Johny had stated. For me, it's all about being with family, exchanging small gifts, enjoying the season of winter, and the solstice.
My eureka was to hold and carry Christmas Joy year round. Acknowledge others, be kind and generous with your spirit. Build the Universe you see with cooperation. A Win-Win orientation. Always give more than you recieve. That's a cosmic maxim.
Way too much pressure to make one day of 365 extra special. The gift is sharing Life itself.
Through ups and downs, maybe you can achieve a xmas moment just not on 25DEC25. Or least be the person you aspire to be on Christmas Day. To thrive and flourish as a human.
To entertain yourself ('bring me that figgy pudding right now') inside an empty space, a frentic full house family gathering or Ballroom Revelry. Show gratitude wherever you venture.
The Yuletide Season is a time where the world catches up with me. Like in the last scene in "Ford vs. Ferrari." Hah.
I’m finally coming to terms with Christmas. In childhood, it was the presents and candy, but religion also had a big role. I was a believer in the virgin birth, angels, wise men, and the rest of it. Then, about the time I went to college, I finally realized that all religions were sprung out of the cultures that gave them birth, and the magic of Christmas was replaced by cynicism. And that made the season more reasonable, but infinitely less satisfying.
Where I have ended up is with the realization that I am a philosophical Christian, not a doctrinaire Christian. I understand that Christianity, like all movements, has undergone perversions.
As a philosophical Christian, I do reserve the good that has come from religion and reject the divisive and destructive side that serves greed and power.
As a psychologist, I see religion as part of our “wired-in” humanity that both helped humans come together in communities but also encouraged us to make war on outsiders.
So, rejecting the dark underbelly of Christianity, I see Christmas is about the positive philosophical ideas in Christianity, as we hear in the stories of the Good Samaritan, welcoming immigrants, feeding the poor, love, community, acceptance of differences, sharing our resources and good fortune,and mutual support.
In short, I think i have found a way to keep the baby Jesus and throw out the bath water.
Unless I'm mistaken, there is a presumption that transformation is a good thing, and in all fairness to the process, I suppose that is usually correct. Interestingly though, I didn't find any definition that explicitly stated transformation is exclusively positive. Why, you ask, was this of concern to me. Well, my greatest transformation occurred just over six months ago, and it was mind-boggling, but not necessarily positive...or was it? (Jury is still out on that question). After years of supporting my son (financially and emotionally) after the untimely death of his mother, after he returned from war with serious injuries, and after graduating from engineering school, which I mostly funded, he basically told me to hit the road and stopped speaking to me. (This was after I paid for and helped him move from his university to his new home 1500 miles distant for a new job.) He said some pretty heartless and basically cruel things to me about how I'd raised him and how I'd treated him over the last couple of decades. And silly me. Here I'd thought I was doing such a great job as a dad, a friend, and a bank. At this stage you may be asking: "So, what was the transformation?" Answer: What was once a fairly well-adjusted, proud, and basically content person (me) was transformed into a confused, angry, disillusioned and slightly depressed mental case. I'm hoping though that I experience a better transformation at some point in the future. I have hope, I'm still breathing.
I think one of the transformations was when I came to the realization, about age 13, that no one had asked me if I believed in all that the church said I was supposed to believe in, and then when I realized that Christmas was more about giving than taking. I saw the joy and wonder in the faces off my young children and realized that Christmas was more than just a holiday for Christians but it was a time of year when people were supposed to, at least, put aside their differences and animosity and come together. I liked giving food to the homeless under the bridge or on the streets, and wonder why it only did it then
When I was 17 I went to the gym for the first time. In the 7 years since, I think I have transformed myself not physically but rather in terms of my base intuition. I realised recently that I no longer see any aspect of myself as static, and have a much greater desire to grow and develop in everything. Perhaps morality is a muscle.
“What has been the best gift you’ve received?” ⬅️From my daughter, I received a subscription to 23andMe a few years ago. The best gift I've ever received is to find out I'm part Ashkenazi!
There have been two dramatic transformations.Firat the birth of my children . Really The first child . Before you give birth you are you . Yes you’re pregnant but you’re still you . People address you as an individual . What you’re thinking ,planning enjoying still revolves around you. The minute that child is born you are Mommy, you will be addressed and referred to in conversations as ( insert child’s name here ) Mom. You will suddenly be the keeper of important esoteric information . in my case it was the names of ALL the Thomas the tank engine , engine names ! While you may be out in the world working , socializing ( depending on your exhaustion level and babysitting availability) that little person and their needs and wants direct you . The second was Widowhood . In my case it was rather unexpected . It’s a much like a Dr Who episode. Donna goes through a door and suddenly it seals and disappears - The Dr is on the other side and there just no getting to him or vice versa. So suddenly you are thrown into your original state of being you just you not you in a couple not you in the endless rollercoaster ride that is a long and sometimes annoying marriage. Theres no resolution to any questions , all plans are are completely reframed. So with all the obvious issues ,grief, the ridiculous amount of paperwork ; you are suddenly once again that pre marriage / relationship autonomous self ( while sill be so- and so’ s mom ! Regardless of how old those babies are now ) So both are dramatic and permanent- both have strange upsides and downsides .Sorry this turned out to be quite long .
Learning to embrace stress as a tool, instead of fearing it as a health risk. This simple mindset shift altered my life in ways I’m still figuring out. I found a Tedtalk / book called the Upside of Stress and it hit at the perfect moment in my life!
As I write this comment, I'm holding my 2-month-old daughter; the greatest transformation I've been through, which took quite a few years to happen and it's not really over yet (will it ever be?) was the one that took me from being a cynical and self-centered teen to a grown woman with just enough courage to face the huge challenge of bringing a child into this crazy world. In other words, it's the transformation of de-centering, of hope and of love.
That was so beautiful, your 2 month olds child whose eyes meet yours, priceless! 💝
I guess a lot of people didn’t get their 10 because I got way, way more than my share.
The joy of Christmas for me (as an adult) has always been being with family and friends, doing/making special things for people, singing the beautiful Christmas songs (having secularized a few of them), and enjoying the wonderful displays of lights!
I feel I’ve had 2 transformations in my life. The first was when I had my first child. The change in lifestyle was dramatic. I went from being free and able to do what I wanted when I wanted to having to care for a little human. I still worked full time and it felt like having a second job. Me and my husband would pass the baby between us, sometimes the handover would happen in the street. That took a lot of getting used to and I think I resented the change in my life as well. But I did go on to have another child and I feel I gave as much as I could, everything I could to being a parent while still keeping my career which I felt defined who I was as a person. The second great transformation was much later in my late 40s. I had the combination of divorcing my husband, him taking his life six months later and going through the menopause. All of this combined to turn my world upside down. My youngest was still under ten when this happened. His family blamed me. I felt as though I was a horrible person. It’s taken a lot of effort and therapy to get through this. It’s been a few years now and I’m getting there. But I don’t feel as though I’m the person I was before it all happened. In some ways I feel I’m a better person because I feel calmer, I feel that I can accept things how they are rather than how I want them to be. I feel as though I am less of a control freak. I’m in the next phase of my life and things are okay now.
I really appreciate this publication. Your posts always seem expertly crafted, and the way you mix philosophy and casual conversational tone is excellent. Loved this piece, as always! Cheers!
As far as transformations, perhaps the one we're currently in is the "greatest." I've had so many throughout life so far, it's hard to pin one down: my marriage, having children, earning degrees, becoming a teacher, moving, retiring, cancer, etc... But I believe the most difficult transformation is the one I'm currently going through after the recent death of my husband of 46 years. I'd have to say that's probably the "greatest" transformation thus far. We'll see what happens...
Considering that I was raised in a Seventh day advent religion during my childhood, I don't have any good memories of Christmas from my youth. Instead, I recall some bad memories of my classroom celebrating while the teachers sat my Jewish friend and me in the corner of the room with extra classwork to complete. The good news is that as an adult (and an atheist), I celebrated Christmas with my husband, children, and in-laws, as I continue to do for all of the reasons Johny had stated. For me, it's all about being with family, exchanging small gifts, enjoying the season of winter, and the solstice.
A subtle, gentle summation of great sensitivity and none of the swarmy lecturing tone of ‘ten tips to make your Christmas meaningful’
My eureka was to hold and carry Christmas Joy year round. Acknowledge others, be kind and generous with your spirit. Build the Universe you see with cooperation. A Win-Win orientation. Always give more than you recieve. That's a cosmic maxim.
Way too much pressure to make one day of 365 extra special. The gift is sharing Life itself.
Through ups and downs, maybe you can achieve a xmas moment just not on 25DEC25. Or least be the person you aspire to be on Christmas Day. To thrive and flourish as a human.
To entertain yourself ('bring me that figgy pudding right now') inside an empty space, a frentic full house family gathering or Ballroom Revelry. Show gratitude wherever you venture.
The Yuletide Season is a time where the world catches up with me. Like in the last scene in "Ford vs. Ferrari." Hah.
Peace on Earth, Goodwill to all Mankind.
I’m finally coming to terms with Christmas. In childhood, it was the presents and candy, but religion also had a big role. I was a believer in the virgin birth, angels, wise men, and the rest of it. Then, about the time I went to college, I finally realized that all religions were sprung out of the cultures that gave them birth, and the magic of Christmas was replaced by cynicism. And that made the season more reasonable, but infinitely less satisfying.
Where I have ended up is with the realization that I am a philosophical Christian, not a doctrinaire Christian. I understand that Christianity, like all movements, has undergone perversions.
As a philosophical Christian, I do reserve the good that has come from religion and reject the divisive and destructive side that serves greed and power.
As a psychologist, I see religion as part of our “wired-in” humanity that both helped humans come together in communities but also encouraged us to make war on outsiders.
So, rejecting the dark underbelly of Christianity, I see Christmas is about the positive philosophical ideas in Christianity, as we hear in the stories of the Good Samaritan, welcoming immigrants, feeding the poor, love, community, acceptance of differences, sharing our resources and good fortune,and mutual support.
In short, I think i have found a way to keep the baby Jesus and throw out the bath water.
Unless I'm mistaken, there is a presumption that transformation is a good thing, and in all fairness to the process, I suppose that is usually correct. Interestingly though, I didn't find any definition that explicitly stated transformation is exclusively positive. Why, you ask, was this of concern to me. Well, my greatest transformation occurred just over six months ago, and it was mind-boggling, but not necessarily positive...or was it? (Jury is still out on that question). After years of supporting my son (financially and emotionally) after the untimely death of his mother, after he returned from war with serious injuries, and after graduating from engineering school, which I mostly funded, he basically told me to hit the road and stopped speaking to me. (This was after I paid for and helped him move from his university to his new home 1500 miles distant for a new job.) He said some pretty heartless and basically cruel things to me about how I'd raised him and how I'd treated him over the last couple of decades. And silly me. Here I'd thought I was doing such a great job as a dad, a friend, and a bank. At this stage you may be asking: "So, what was the transformation?" Answer: What was once a fairly well-adjusted, proud, and basically content person (me) was transformed into a confused, angry, disillusioned and slightly depressed mental case. I'm hoping though that I experience a better transformation at some point in the future. I have hope, I'm still breathing.
I think one of the transformations was when I came to the realization, about age 13, that no one had asked me if I believed in all that the church said I was supposed to believe in, and then when I realized that Christmas was more about giving than taking. I saw the joy and wonder in the faces off my young children and realized that Christmas was more than just a holiday for Christians but it was a time of year when people were supposed to, at least, put aside their differences and animosity and come together. I liked giving food to the homeless under the bridge or on the streets, and wonder why it only did it then
When I was 17 I went to the gym for the first time. In the 7 years since, I think I have transformed myself not physically but rather in terms of my base intuition. I realised recently that I no longer see any aspect of myself as static, and have a much greater desire to grow and develop in everything. Perhaps morality is a muscle.
“What has been the best gift you’ve received?” ⬅️From my daughter, I received a subscription to 23andMe a few years ago. The best gift I've ever received is to find out I'm part Ashkenazi!
There have been two dramatic transformations.Firat the birth of my children . Really The first child . Before you give birth you are you . Yes you’re pregnant but you’re still you . People address you as an individual . What you’re thinking ,planning enjoying still revolves around you. The minute that child is born you are Mommy, you will be addressed and referred to in conversations as ( insert child’s name here ) Mom. You will suddenly be the keeper of important esoteric information . in my case it was the names of ALL the Thomas the tank engine , engine names ! While you may be out in the world working , socializing ( depending on your exhaustion level and babysitting availability) that little person and their needs and wants direct you . The second was Widowhood . In my case it was rather unexpected . It’s a much like a Dr Who episode. Donna goes through a door and suddenly it seals and disappears - The Dr is on the other side and there just no getting to him or vice versa. So suddenly you are thrown into your original state of being you just you not you in a couple not you in the endless rollercoaster ride that is a long and sometimes annoying marriage. Theres no resolution to any questions , all plans are are completely reframed. So with all the obvious issues ,grief, the ridiculous amount of paperwork ; you are suddenly once again that pre marriage / relationship autonomous self ( while sill be so- and so’ s mom ! Regardless of how old those babies are now ) So both are dramatic and permanent- both have strange upsides and downsides .Sorry this turned out to be quite long .
Learning to embrace stress as a tool, instead of fearing it as a health risk. This simple mindset shift altered my life in ways I’m still figuring out. I found a Tedtalk / book called the Upside of Stress and it hit at the perfect moment in my life!